Marital Separation

Save Marriage Stop Divorce

Many couples are looking for ways to save marriage, stop divorce after infidelity has nearly destroyed their marriage. An affair is devastating in many ways. One of the areas it damages the most is that of trust. If your marriage has been impacted by an affair, and trust has been shattered, divorce may seem like the likely outcome initially. But it doesn’t have to go that route if you are willing to do the hard work of getting your marriage back on track.

Many couples do find a way to rebuild trust and get past the incredible hurt and betrayal. In fact, in some cases, the affair serves as a wake up call, and if the appropriate changes are made, the marriage becomes stronger than it ever was before. But in order to save marriage, stop divorce you must first find a way to start rebuilding the trust which was lost. Trust is an absolutely essential component of a healthy marriage. Following are some guidelines to help you get it back.

If you are the person who cheated, you must first be willing to take ownership of your actions. This means you can’t blame anyone else, nor can you excuse it by saying something like, “I’m only human”. In order for your partner to trust you again and save marriage, stop divorce, you have to step up to the plate and accept that it was your choice. Do this regardless of what factors may have influenced you.

Second, you must be willing to answer any questions your spouse may have (and trust me, your spouse is going to demand some answers from you!). Don’t try to hide anything at this point or you will destroy any hope of trust ever coming back into the relationship. This is going to be difficult and painful, and it is going to take courage. But honesty is paramount if you want to save marriage, stop divorce. You’ve already severely blown it; don’t make things even worse by lying now.

Third, if there were things bothering you in the marriage which you feel made you start seeking the comfort or closeness of another person, you need to address those. Doing this does not mean you are trying to excuse your behavior. But it is important that you be honest and up front about any frustration and dissatisfaction you were experiencing. You can only change it if you first acknowledge it. Couples who do successfully get past infidelity and save marriage, stop divorce, make the commitment to work on the problems that made their marriage vulnerable in the first place.

Fourth, be very careful about your actions, particularly around anyone who could be perceived by your spouse as a threat to your relationship. In other words, don’t be spending a lot of time alone with another man (or woman) who is particularly attractive or aggressive or flirtatious. Set good boundaries and make sure you don’t do anything which could be misconstrued by your spouse as questionable behavior on your part. Now more than ever you need to honor the sacred bounds of your marriage if you want to save marriage, stop divorce.

Last of all, keep every promise you make. Whether it is a promise to call at a certain time, or to pick up something from the grocery store, or especially to be home at a certain time, you must follow through. And if something comes up and you are going to be late or can’t call, be sure to let your spouse know as soon as possible.

Your marriage can recover from infidelity. You can save marriage, stop divorce if you show that you are 100% committed in your effort to regain and rebuild the trust that has been damaged. It may be a long uphill road, but if you truly want to save your marriage, then it is well worth the effort.
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Save Marriage from Divorce

Considering that the divorce rate has been hovering at or above 50% for a long time now, it is worth putting some very serious thought into ways to save marriage from divorce. Because the couples who fail to do this are the ones most likely to end up as a statistic. If you want to be sure your marriage has the best chance of surviving and not ending up in divorce court, now is the time to pay attention. Following are some very destructive behaviors which need to be avoided if you want to save marriage from divorce.

Keeping score

A marriage is meant to be a true partnership, not a competition in which one or both of you constantly keeps score of what your spouse does or doesn’t do for you. While light-hearted, playful competition is fun, expecting your partner to give you something or do something for you in return for each nice thing you do for him is destructive to the relationship. It creates a power struggle and is usually an attempt to control each other. And it fosters resentment and mistrust; two things that definitely won’t help save marriage from divorce.

For example, if a husband sacrifices a day of golf with his buddies in order to stay home and watch the children while his wife goes shopping, it looks like a kind deed on the surface. However, there is nothing truly kind and giving about it if he holds it over her head as a “debt” when he wants something from her in the future. To save marriage from divorce, doing things for each other must stem from love and caring, not from manipulation, agendas, or “debt”. When that becomes the case, a marriage is in serious trouble.

Nagging at your spouse

Sadly, we learn a lot of unhealthy behaviors from our parents. If you grew up in a home in which one of your parents frequently nagged the other, you may find yourself doing the same thing to your spouse. And I guarantee you your spouse does not like to be nagged.

Nagging is like water constantly dripping on a rock; over time it slowly wears it down. The same thing happens in your marriage when you nag. It slowly pushes your partner away, at least emotionally, creating a rift which can eventually become a chasm too large to repair. If you are prone to nagging, work on stopping this behavior as soon possible to save marriage from divorce.

Verbal abuse

Words can be extremely destructive, particularly in a marriage. If you are prone to losing your temper and saying ugly, hurtful or vicious things to your partner, you need to change this behavior immediately. Verbal abuse will eventually take an emotional toll on your spouse. While you may feel they are “just words” and forget that you even said them a day or two later, your spouse definitely will not forget.

The sting of verbal abuse can go deep, and cruel words can be very difficult to forget for the person who is on the receiving end. If you are having marriage problems and truly want to save marriage from divorce, verbal abuse of any kind must stop immediately.

These are just a few of many things that can eventually tear a couple apart. Each behavior is not only destructive, it is also incredibly disrespectful. If you really desire to have a happy, healthy marriage and save marriage from divorce, ask yourself if you are doing anything destructive to the relationship similar to the above. If so, do whatever it takes to begin to make some changes. Your marriage will definitely benefit if you do! http://tinyurl.com/3sub6y4

Save Marriage Book

While a good save marriage book can’t do all the things that working with a live therapist can, it can still provide help for couples who can’t afford therapy but are unable to work through their issues on their own. Self help books are very popular, and if you are willing to do the work, they can be a very good guide for you and your spouse if your marriage is in crisis.

Go to the self help section of any bookstore and you will quickly see that there are a lot of books on the topic of marriage. You should be able to find a save marriage book which will be helpful. But there are some things you should look for in order to get a quality book that won’t end up being a waste of your time and money.

Make sure the author is reputable

Look for a save marriage book written by someone who preferably has training and credentials that qualify him or her as a relationship expert. For example, look for authors who have either a master’s degree or doctorate in psychology, counseling, social work, or psychiatry. While education isn’t everything, someone with the appropriate training is generally a better choice than someone who has none. Usually there will be the following credentials after their name: PhD, PsyD, MD, MA or LCSW.

Also, read the book cover or anywhere in the book where it gives a little more information about the author. Of course some authors who are relationship experts are very well known and will often be excellent choices for a save marriage book. Some of the best include Barbara DeAngelis, John Gray and John Gottman to name a few. There are many more, but these individuals are all experts when it comes to marriage and relationships in general.

Choose a book which is thorough, but easy to read

There are several topics which should be included in any good save marriage book. Look through the table of contents to see what areas the author covers. Some very important areas are:

•   Communication
•   Sex
•   Family issues / Children
•   Infidelity
•   Finances
•   Divorce

Since good communication is essential to a healthy marriage, this is a topic that definitely should be covered in a save marriage book. In fact, communication problems is often the reason many couples don’t have good marriages.

Sex is a very important part of marriage, so if the book doesn’t even talk about this topic, then look for a different one. When sexual needs and desires aren’t met in a marriage, it can lead to significant issues, including infidelity.

Family issues and children are also key topics for a save marriage book. In-laws can often be a point of contention for many couples. Also, if you have children, your marriage problems are definitely affecting them, so be sure the book covers this topic well.
Affairs tear apart many marriages, and even if that is not your issue, a marriage with problems is more vulnerable to infidelity. So be sure the book covers this topic.
Finances are one of the primary reasons for marriage problems. Disagreements about how to handle money have led many couples to divorce court. Make sure the save marriage book you are considering addresses this topic very thoroughly.
Divorce is also a crucial topic.   The book should give you some questions to consider to determine whether or not divorce may be a better option for you and your spouse than staying together. While this may not be an option you want to consider, it should still be discussed in the book so you can ask the hard questions regarding this topic.
Hopefully you and your spouse will both read the save marriage book you choose and use it as a catalyst for having difficult but important conversations. But even if you have to read it alone, a truly worthwhile book on marriage will give you some valuable advice with regards to what you can do to help your marriage.
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Save Marriage Alone

Marriage is often not easy. A successful marriage takes work, dedication, sacrifice, and compromise. But in some marriages, especially when serious problems arise or a crisis hits, you may feel you are the one who has to save marriage alone. This is particularly true if you have a spouse who has emotionally “checked out” or who is unwilling to communicate or work on the problems.

That being said, no matter what the situation the pressure really is on you to save marriage alone. The reason for this is twofold:

1) The only person in the marriage you have the power to change is you. You simply cannot change another person, even your spouse, no matter how much you want to.

2) If you make changes you spouse will inevitably change also. The reason for this is because when you change, the relationship dynamics change. This will require your spouse to adjust in one way or the other.

If you make changes wisely and carefully, your spouse may end up making some very positive changes also, and it will no longer feel like you had to save marriage alone after all.

Whenever there is a conflict in a relationship of any kind, the best thing you can do is ask yourself how you may be contributing. Relationship problems are rarely due to just one person. For example, if your spouse is treating you badly, you must ask yourself why it’s happening. Maybe your spouse really is a jerk, but if this has been going on a long time, it is because you are allowing it.

Dr. Phil, who has helped thousands of people in the course of his career, has stated it very well: “We teach people how to treat us”. That is a powerful truth. If you need to save marriage alone you must ask yourself what things you are doing that have taught your spouse to react to you or treat you in certain ways.

If you feel you are unworthy of being treated with respect, then people are often not going to treat you with respect. Somewhere along the way you have given your spouse the message that it is okay to treat you badly. Even if you have gotten upset, told him you didn’t like it, cried, or even thrown things at him, the fact that it continues to happen is because in one way or another, you are allowing it.

Now, this doesn’t mean you are the cause of your spouse’s bad behavior in any way. He is responsible for his actions. You are only responsible for your reaction as well as your attitude. But if you desire to save marriage alone, you must begin making changes in your reaction and / or your attitude. If what you’ve been doing up until now hasn’t worked, then to continue doing the same thing is futile. You need to do something different.

You have much more power to save marriage alone than you probably realize. By changing your attitudes, behaviors and reactions in the relationship, you will find that those changes will impact your marriage. The trick is in determining which ones will bring about the positive changes you desire. It may be that you need to seek the help of a skilled therapist to determine what changes will be the most beneficial. But there is hope, even when you must save marriage alone, as long as you are willing to make some changes first.
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Problems with Marriage

If you are experiencing problems with marriage, trust me, you are not alone. That being said, you may feel alone as you try to figure out the real issues and find a way to resolve them. And in many situations, that is easier said than done. But it is not impossible.

Many problems with marriage begin with unrealistic expectations on the part of one or both partners. This is particularly typical of people who get married when they are quite young or have not had previous long-term relationships. Unrealistic expectations inevitably lead to frustration, and can also lead to anger and disappointment. Perhaps some of the challenges facing your marriage are due to impossible expectations about the relationship or your partner. Let’s look at a few unrealistic myths which can lead to problems with marriage…

Hollywood Romance

Hollywood is the great perpetuator of romantic fantasy. After all, that’s what sells. Wouldn’t it be great if all marriages were as perfect or as exciting as they are often portrayed on television or in the movies? After all, doesn’t everyone’s husband leave a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom, where there are at least 100 candles burning and another 5 dozen rose’s worth of petals strewn on the bed? (Seriously, where does anyone store that many candles?)

This fantasy idea that it should always be incredibly romantic can create problems with marriage. The reality is quite different. This doesn’t mean the romance has to end after “I do”, but it probably isn’t going to be quite as glamorous or extreme as it is in the movies.

Perfect Partner

It can be a brutal wake-up call when you realize one morning that the person you married isn’t as perfect as you thought. People who get married without really taking the time to know each other are particularly vulnerable to the problems with marriage which arise when they finally see the other person, warts and all, and realize that they have all sorts of flaws and short-comings.

Most people put their best foot forward in the early stages of a relationship. And some can hide their faults for quite a long time. To avoid problems with marriage like this really requires that you take the relationship slowly and don’t put your significant other on a pedestal. He or she will fall off at some point. You can bet on it.

Happily Ever After

Fairy tales are great for kids, but at some point, we have to recognize them for what they are: fantasy. While Cinderella and Prince Charming blissfully disappeared into the castle at the end of the story, we never got to see what happened inside those towering walls a few years down the road. No doubt a glass slipper or two got shattered when one of them was upset!

Marriage is not always happy and peaceful. That would be great but it is not reality. Conflict is going to occur. You are not going to agree on everything and in fact, you may find that you disagree on several things. That’s okay, if you are mature enough to recognize and appreciate that you are two separate individuals with different perspectives, values, preferences, needs and feelings. Once you can accept that, your problems with marriage will be a lot less challenging.

Don’t lose heart if you are experiencing problems with marriage. Check your expectations to see if perhaps they need to be altered a bit. Many couples find that by changing their expectations so that they are better aligned with reality, many problems will subside. If they don’t, then it is time to look deeper. But most problems can be overcome if both of you are willing to put in the effort.
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Online Relationship Counseling

Considering the popularity of the internet, as well as technology which allows online chat, video, MP3 recordings, etc, it is not surprising that more and more people are seeking online relationship counseling. Whether you are wanting help with dating issues, seeking help to cope with a break up, or having marital problems for which you need some advice, online relationship counseling may be a viable option for you if you are unable to find a therapist locally, or if you just want the ease and convenience of getting counseling right in the comfort of your own home.

More and more mental health professionals are offering their services via the internet. For professionals who choose to only offer online relationship counseling, this can save them the overhead costs of having an office, and also allow them to expand their practice to clients they might not otherwise be able to see in person. Of course, it is imperative that they work within the bounds of their expertise and adhere to any limitations of their license, such as location of their clients as most licenses are specific to a given state.

So how does online relationship counseling work? To some degree, that will depend on the particular professional or group who is offering the service, but many function very similarly to traditional face to face counseling. The main difference being the medium in which the counseling is delivered. Online options usually include email, online chat via typed text or audio with a microphone, or video sessions using a web cam and microphone. The majority also provide counseling via telephone.

While some do offer free online relationship counseling, most do require that you pay for your sessions, just as you would for the same services in person. And while the fees may vary, typically they are going to be about the same amount you would pay to see a therapist in his or her office. One of the advantages in terms of fees when using this medium is that many online therapists have the option of short sessions or consultations, in addition to the traditional 50 minute to one hour sessions that are standard with most mental health professionals.

Before pursuing any type of online relationship counseling, it is important that you have some way of verifying the credentials and training of the therapist you will be working with. The internet is fraught with scams, so be sure the therapist discloses his or her first and last name, the type of degree (e.g., M.A., PsyD, PhD, MD, etc.) and the school from which he or she graduated. Also, they should disclose their licensure status. With this information you can easily verify whether or not the information they provide is accurate or not by contacting the school and licensing board.

Before you start with any particular online therapist you also want to find out the person’s particular areas of experience and expertise. If you are seeking help for marriage problems, for example, then it is best to obtain help from someone who specializes in or at least has experience helping married couples with their issues.

Mental health services which are available via the internet are not limited to relationship counseling. Many professionals can provide help for other issues as well including substance abuse, family therapy, career guidance, as well as specific disorders such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD and many others.

If you are struggling with issues in your marriage or other relationships, online relationship counseling is definitely an alternative you may want to consider. It is worth looking into if you live in a remote area where qualified professionals are either limited or are too far away, or if you just prefer the convenience the internet can provide.
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Online Marriage Counseling Free

When money is tight, many couples who are experiencing marital problems may desperately seek alternative ways to get “professional” help, such as online marriage counseling. Free of charge is very appealing, but there are many things which should be taken into consideration before relying on the vast number of resources you can find online to help your flailing marriage.

When it comes to online marriage counseling, free services ranging from “e-courses” to actual direct email interaction with a therapist may be available depending on the resource. And like anything online, the quality of what you are getting for free (or even for a price) can vary greatly. But if you approach it as a resource similar to purchasing a book on the topic of helping you with marriage problems, then there can be some benefit to be gained.

So let’s look a little further at what you may find in terms of online marriage counseling. Free e-courses, as mentioned above, are often available from various resources. Usually you just sign up for these and they are delivered to your email box. Most of these will be delivered to your email over a period of time. For example, you may receive one “lesson” every few days. This gives you time to digest the information rather than read through the entire course in one sitting. Depending on who wrote them, they may contain some very helpful information and exercises which you can apply to your particular situation. Again, this is similar to using a book as a help guide.

Some sites also offer complete eBooks which you can download to your computer as soon as you sign up. Similar to e-courses, some of these can also give you some good information. Don’t expect them to be as comprehensive or thorough as a book you would purchase at a bookstore. The nature of eBooks is that they are relatively short, usually anywhere from 30 to 100 pages with large font. EBooks and e-courses are often a primary part of any online marriage counseling. Free resources such as these may be better than nothing when finances are tight.

Where things start to get questionable, in terms of ethics, competence and confidentiality are when individuals or companies claim to offer actual “therapy” via email. With the rapidly growing popularity of the Internet as a primary resource for just about everything, it is no surprise that you can find actual online marriage counseling. Free email interaction with a therapist or counselor is offered by some online sources.

Email, by its very nature, has limited confidentiality. And it may be difficult to verify whether or not the therapist is truly competent or is even actually trained or licensed. This is where you really need to be wary. Also, before you engage in any actual free counseling or therapy via the internet, be sure to do your due diligence to determine if the person has the appropriate credentials and qualifications to be helping you.

These are just a few things to consider if you feel you and your spouse need professional help for your marriage and you are considering online marriage counseling. Free services may be very appealing, but you may not be getting what you think. Use it with caution, if at all. The e-courses and eBooks may have some good food for thought, but if your marriage is in a serious crisis, it is better to find a way to see a local therapist with whom you can interact face to face as you work through the issues in your marriage.
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Marriage in Crisis

You probably never thought it would happen to you, but suddenly you find your marriage in crisis. You and your spouse are fighting a lot, or one of you has been unfaithful, or perhaps you have just simply grown distant over the years. Regardless of the reason, you may be trying to decide what your options are. You may be anxious, scared, angry, hurt or just feeling very alone. So let’s look at some options if when your marriage in crisis feels a bit overwhelming.

Take some time apart

For some people, when they are experiencing marriage problems, taking some time apart can give them an opportunity to gain much needed perspective. When you are right in the thick of an emotionally charged situation, you may be too close to things to come up with effective solutions. A brief separation can be beneficial in order to get your bearings and think through the best way to handle your marriage in crisis.

Also, during this time apart you can determine if you really want to stay in your marriage or not. This is a very difficult decision for many people and should not be made without a lot of thought. Taking time apart can give you the space your need to think it through without the day to day pressures at home which often accompany a marriage in crisis.

Get into therapy

Going to a therapist can be very helpful when a marriage in crisis is turning your life upside down. Therapy will not only provide you with a safe place to talk openly and freely, it will provide you an opportunity to problem solve with someone who is neutral and objective with regards to your situation. Family and friends may be willing to listen and give advice, but usually they will be biased in one way or the other, and won’t be objective like a therapist.

Put your cards on the table with your spouse

Often when a marriage has reached a crisis point, one or both partners is unable or unwilling to take the risk of saying what they really want and feel. Instead you are often both guarded or defensive as you try to navigate your way through what feels like an emotional minefield. But if one of you takes the risk of truly putting your cards on the table, it may be the catalyst for much needed open conversations. That being said, it may backfire also, and that is what makes it particularly uncomfortable for most people. Only you can decide if the risk is worth it, and how you think your partner may respond if you try.

File for divorce

Another option when experiencing a marriage in crisis is to throw in the towel and file for divorce. If the crisis has been going on for a long time and shows little hope for resolution, this may be the best option. Only you can decide if this is the best route for you. But it definitely should not be done hastily, as the emotional and financial cost of divorce is often very high.

Determine what changes you can make to improve your marriage

With a marriage in crisis the only person you can change is you. You can’t change your spouse even though you may feel that is the best solution! But the person you can change is you. Marriage problems are rarely, if ever, due to one person. It takes two to tango and two to create problems. If you start making some positive changes your spouse will inevitably have to make some changes also. Your spouse may not change as you would like, but if you make positive changes you can hold your head high knowing that you did, and leave the marriage with more dignity if it still doesn’t work out in the end.

Only you can decide the best choice for you when a marriage in crisis is taking a toll on your emotional wellbeing. Consider these options and trust your heart. And know that many couples do find a way to get back on track. Hopefully you will too!
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Marriage Counseling Therapy

Marriage can be wonderful and complicated; happy and sad; exciting and mundane. Rarely is it “smooth sailing” throughout its course, which is why many couples seek out marriage counseling. Therapy can be very beneficial if your marriage is hitting some rough seas. With a qualified therapist you and your spouse can find new ways to navigate the course of your marriage more effectively. Conflict will never disappear altogether, as you are both human. But it can be minimized at least to some degree so your marriage stays intact.

There are many different issues which may come to the surface if you and your spouse decide to go to marriage counseling. Therapy for couples will help you look at things in a new light, consider unhealthy patterns, and find ways to communicate better. Sometimes things may get worse before they get better as you face tough issues and open up wounds which have never really healed. But these wounds must be opened and dealt with if things are to get better in your marriage.

In marriage counseling, therapy is like cleaning out the infected wound so it can finally heal once and for all. It will hurt at first, but it is well worth it in the long run. A skillful therapist will work with you to find the best ways to manage the pain as you go through the process.

One of the key issues that often comes up is difficulty letting go of the past. Hanging on to old hurts, harboring resentment, and refusing to forgive will keep you stuck. Letting go of the past is difficult for a lot of people, but it is essential for the sake of your marriage and for you to make progress in the course of your marriage counseling. Therapy won’t fix you, but it can help you to get “unstuck” and find a way to let go.

Holding on to the past is destructive to a relationship. If either you or your spouse are doing this then it is going to show up in various ways in your relationship. What often happens is that whenever there is a conflict, one of you brings up the past and uses it as ammunition against the other. While it may give you a sense of leverage or power in the moment, it keeps you both stuck.

Dredging up past wrongs is like pulling a scab off a sore and letting it bleed all over again. Needless to say, it is a destructive behavior which must be addressed in your marriage counseling. Therapy can be the safe place to address this once and for all, and to start working towards letting it go.

If you are the spouse whose past offense is frequently thrown back in your face, you no doubt know the sting and guilt that accompany such painful reminders. We all make mistakes. And we all desire forgiveness. It is difficult to be in a relationship with someone who just can’t let something go.
Sometimes it’s easier to forgive others and let go when we have experienced real forgiveness ourselves. But when you haven’t, and it is hurting your marriage, then you may really benefit from marriage counseling. Therapy is much less costly than a divorce. And if you give it a chance, you may find that you and your spouse can finally heal the wounds and have a stronger marriage than ever!
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How to Save Your Marriage

Marriage can be full of joy, but it can also be full of pain. For some couples, it seems the joy has been gone for so long that it is impossible to ever get it back. But it doesn’t have to be that way. When it comes to how to save your marriage, there are a lot of things you can do to start getting your relationship back on track. But you must be willing to look at yourself and make the necessary changes. Change isn’t easy, but if how to save your marriage is really a priority for you, then keep reading.

What are you bringing to the relationship?

One of the first things you need to do when it comes to how to save your marriage is to sit down and make a list of what you are actually contributing to the relationship. This is not a list for things like making money to pay the mortgage, or cleaning the house, or doing the grocery shopping.

Rather, in what ways are you making the relationship good or bad? Are you constantly nit-picking at your spouse’s short-comings? Do you express heartfelt appreciation frequently that your spouse is in your life, or for the wonderful things your spouse does for you? Are you supportive? Do you listen when your partner needs to talk about something that is bothering him or her? Are you loving and affectionate?

Your marriage is like a bank account. You are either making deposits into it or withdrawing from the account. If you are mostly making withdrawals, the bank account will eventually run dry. You must be making plenty of deposits also if you learning how to save your marriage is important to you.

Is your marriage a two-way street, or must everything always be on your terms?

Some people don’t know how to be in a relationship without trying to control it. If you are the type of person who has to have everything happen on your terms, then you are not only being incredibly selfish, you are also treating your spouse with disrespect. And maybe your spouse has put up with it for a long time, but if how to save your marriage is a concern for you, chances are it is because your spouse has had enough.

A marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship in which one person calls all the shots and expects the other to “obey”. Attempting to control your spouse will usually foster resentment. Your spouse is a separate human being whose wants and needs may not always coincide with yours. Compromise is essential to a good marriage. Honoring and respecting his or her feelings, wants and needs instead will go a long way towards creating a healthier, more loving relationship.

Are you being passive-aggressive in your marriage?

While controlling behavior is very destructive to a relationship, passive-aggressive behavior is as well. Passive-aggressive individuals attempt to get their needs met in very unhealthy ways. Rather than speaking up and expressing their true needs or feelings, they say one thing and then act in a way which subtly or not so subtly contradicts it, usually in an attempt to get back at the other person.

For example, a passive-aggressive wife may tell her husband its fine if he wants to spend the day golfing with his friends. However, in actuality she is not happy about it all and decides to get back at him by “accidentally” putting a new red shirt in the wash with his underwear as she does laundry that day. Needless to say, this is also destructive to a marriage and defeats the goal of how to save a marriage.

These are just a few questions to ask yourself if you are worried about your marriage. The only person you can change is yourself, so if you are wondering how to save a marriage, you must start with making changes in how you interact with your spouse. As you make positive changes, you will likely find that your spouse does also.
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How to Save a Marriage

You probably never thought it would happen, but you found yourself having an affair. You never meant for it to happen, but it did. And now you are wondering how to save a marriage after breaking your vows. You love your spouse and you know it is going to be devastating to her (or him). But many couples do get past this. And the first place to start is admitting to it. If you don’t and she finds out from someone else, it will definitely be much worse.

Before you do tell your spouse about the affair, you need to first be honest with yourself as to why it occurred. Sometimes the real reason isn’t so obvious. Your spouse is certainly going to want to know why, and part of knowing how to save a marriage is determining why you (and your marriage) were vulnerable in the first place.

When you talk to your spouse, the more prepared you are to truthfully answer this question of “why”, the more able you will be to address the underlying issues. If you don’t answer it honestly, or if your spouse senses in any way that you are not, then that will only make things worse. So really take the time to try to understand the real reasons first. Honesty and openness in this situation will go a long way when it comes to how to save a marriage.

Something else you need to consider before talking to your spouse, is that if you wait for the perfect time, it will never come. On the other hand, you also want to choose a time when she is not harried, or when you are not likely to be interrupted. Also, do not tell her when others are within ear shot. This is very inconsiderate and disrespectful, and definitely not a good plan with regards to how to save a marriage! Do this privately, when the two of you are alone.

When you do finally have this conversation, you need to be straightforward. And, if you really want to do what’s best in terms of how to save a marriage after this kind of betrayal, you need to take fully responsibility for your actions. Don’t in any way try to downplay just how serious an affair is. By owning up to what you did, you at least show that you care.

Last of all, when it comes to how to save a marriage, particularly after something as serious as an affair, you must make every effort to try to understand the impact this may have on your spouse. You have broken your vows and shattered trust. She is likely going to be angry and hurt for awhile, and may withdraw from you or even need some time apart from you. The more accepting and supportive you are of her needs, the better. You will need to show her that you are truly sorry in order to start rebuilding the relationship.

When it comes to how to save a marriage after an affair, there is no easy answer. But if you use the above as a guide, you at least have a chance. There will be much work ahead, but many marriages do survive, and some become stronger as a result.

Help Save My Marriage

If your spouse has done something which has left you feeling extremely betrayed or very hurt, and now your marriage is in crisis. Despite the hurt, you may be wondering to yourself, “Is there anything that can help save my marriage?” If you are feeling this way, you are definitely not alone. Many people struggle with that very thought every day.

In order to get your marriage back on track though, you must start with yourself. While you may very well have reason to feel angry or hurt, if you really want someone to respond to your plea to “help save my marriage”, you are going to have to look within. Because if you are like so many people, your reaction to your spouse’s behavior, whatever it was he or she did, can play a significant role in whether or not your marriage survives.

Following are three tips for what NOT to do if your marriage is in crisis and you want to save it:

“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 1

Don’t play the victim. It’s really easy to get into victim-mode when your spouse has wronged you. Perhaps he gambled away some of your savings, or slept with another woman. Serious issues, yes. But acting like a victim or getting caught up in self pity will only make matters worse. Not only will it make you even less desirable to your spouse, you will lose his respect as well as the respect of others.

Instead, make the choice to be a survivor. What that means, is that you take responsibility for how you behave and react in response to whatever it is that happened. You can change what happened, but you do have a choice in how your handle it.

“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 2

Don’t hold onto to your anger. If you truly want the chance for your relationship to heal, you must be willing to let go of your anger and find a way to forgive. It can be difficult, no doubt, but you really need to do it for you. Often people think that forgiveness is for the other person, but it is more for the person who is forgiving. Holding onto anger not only takes an incredible amount of energy, it also keeps you stuck.

Also, when you forgive your spouse it does not mean that you forget what happened nor does it mean you are indicating in any way that his or her behavior was acceptable. What it does mean is that you are willing to move forward and get past it. When you make this choice, it takes away the power the situation had over you. You will then be free to put your energy into repairing the relationship.

“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 3

Don’t judge and condemn your spouse. When you have been deeply hurt or betrayed in your marriage it can be easy to take on a self-righteous stance and judge your partner harshly. What you need to remember is that we are all susceptible to doing things we never imagined if we are put in the right situation. For example, you might think “I would never cheat on my spouse”. But many people who do have affairs also truly believed they would never do that.

If you truly want the answer to your burning question, “Is there anything that can help save my marriage?” you really must avoid becoming judge and jury in the relationship. You have made mistakes too and the more you can try to understand your spouse’s feelings and behavior rather than condemn it, the better chance you have of healing your relationship and making it stronger than ever.
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Help for Marriage

Quite often when couples are seeking help for marriage, it is because their marriage is starting to crumble. It may be that one spouse has been unfaithful. It may also be because there has been a significant amount of conflict, often turning into awful fights. Other times it may be because you have slowly grown very distant from each other, and you know if something doesn’t change soon, the marriage is going to unravel altogether.

Fortunately, there is help for marriage if you are both willing to make the commitment to work through the problem, no matter what it is. This can feel impossible at times, particularly if there has been an affair or other type of betrayal. Hurt feelings can go very deep. And one of you may be more reluctant to try to work things out if trust has been damaged.

Many couples do get their marriages back on track, even under pretty challenging circumstances. Sometimes a crisis can be a much needed wake up call, making one or both of you recognize the necessity of getting help for marriage so you can heal the wounds. Quite often, if you can get through the process of healing, you will find that you are closer than ever before.

There are many ways you can show each other that you are truly serious and 100% devoted to making the marriage work. Following are just a few of the ways you can do this:

Make your marriage your number one priority. http://tinyurl.com/3sub6y4

Careers, children, volunteer work and other family are certainly all very important parts of each of your lives. But when you have reached a crisis point and need help for marriage, you must first be willing to put your marital relationship above everything else in your life.

All too often work and children get all your time and energy and there is simply nothing left for the marriage. Sadly, your children will suffer as a result. You owe it to them to have a happy, healthy marriage to make them feel secure and to give them good role models. And, the happier your marriage, the happier home life will be for your children.

Be open to marriage counseling if needed

Sometimes couples get stuck and simply can’t work it out without some outside help for marriage. While marital therapy isn’t right for everyone, it is definitely worth trying. A skilled marriage counselor can help you find ways to communicate better, break unhealthy patterns and develop new ones, and put things in a new perspective.

If your spouse feels a strong need for the two of you to get counseling, show your commitment by being willing to give it a try. If you are unwilling to go, that will likely convey that you aren’t truly committed to the marriage after all. Your spouse may feel resentment, and there will be even more problems in your relationship.

Make a commitment to focus on everything you love and appreciate about each other.

When you need help for marriage, remember the saying “what you focus on expands”. This is very true in relationships. If you focus on your spouse’s faults, you will end up bringing out the worst in him. If you want to bring out the best in someone, you must frequently show appreciation for the qualities you really value. In turn, your spouse will be more inclined to show those qualities more.

These are just three ways to show commitment to your marriage. While there are many more ways, these three will go along way when you need help for marriage. The more commitment each of you shows, the more motivated you will be to work together on your relationship.
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Does Marriage Counseling Work

If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time in your marriage, you may be considering marital therapy. But you also may be reluctant to pursue it if you are wondering, does marriage counseling work? Well, there is no definitive answer to that as the success of any type of counseling always depends on many different factors. Many couples do find it to be extremely beneficial to their relationship. Others feel it was useless or helped very little. This article explores some of the factors that are necessary to answer “yes” to the question, “Does marriage counseling work?”.

You both are committed to working on the relationship

An essential factor for any type of therapy or counseling to be effective is that the person receiving it must be committed to the process and to improving the situation. For couples, if only one of you is committed to working through your relationship problems while the other is resistant, the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is more than likely going to be “no”.

Counseling is a collaborative process between the client and the therapist. The greatest marriage counselor on the planet is going to have limited success with someone who has no desire to truly work on the relationship. It has to be a two way street. Sometimes resistance to the therapy process can be overcome, particularly with an exceptionally experienced and skilled therapist, but it will be very difficult.

You have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable

Another key factor with regards to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is whether or not you have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable. No therapist is a good fit for everyone. If this is the case, you and your spouse would be better off to find a different therapist to work with. Too much is at stake to try to force a therapeutic relationship that doesn’t feel right for both of you.

You are both willing to do the work

Talking in and of itself will only go so far in terms of bringing about the desired changes in your relationship. While it can be helpful to have a safe place to discuss your feelings and concerns, there needs to be more. Many therapists will give you exercises or homework to do between sessions. These exercises help to reinforce what you are learning in therapy and give you an opportunity to practice new skills which you can discuss each week. The more you and your spouse participate and do the work, the more likely the answer to your question, “does marriage counseling work?” will be yes.

Sticking with it and tolerating the pain

Two other very crucial elements in terms of the question, “does marriage counseling work” are:

• You stick with it
• You are willing to tolerate things getting worse before they get better

A lot of people drop out of counseling at some point. They get discouraged or don’t like the process and assume the answer to, “does marriage counseling work?” is “no”.

One of the main reasons people drop out is because things often get worse before they improve. A good therapist will prepare you for this upfront. Marriage counseling is going to open up some wounds and address some painful issues. Initially, that can seem to create even more pain. But it is akin to the necessity of cleaning out an infected wound so it can finally heal. The cleaning process is painful, but it must happen or the wound will never go away.

If each of these factors is present for you and your spouse, then the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?”, is very often a resounding yes. It is not going to be easy, and it may be a lengthy process. But if you really want your marriage to be healthy and strong, the rewards are definitely worth it!
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Marriage and Family Counseling

If you are having some difficulties in your marriage, or perhaps your family is in crisis, marriage and family counseling can be very beneficial. While it may initially seem a bit uncomfortable to discuss your problems with a total stranger, if you find a therapist which is a good fit and is good at what he or she does, you will very likely be glad you decided to make the investment.

Keep in mind, though, that for marriage and family counseling to be helpful, you have to be willing to make some changes in your life. It won’t be helpful if you merely use it as a place to vent or if you expect the therapist to do all of the work for you. Nor will it be helpful unless you each take responsibility for your contribution to the problem or issue at hand, because rarely is a problem entirely due to one person.

Following are some of the many ways in which marriage and family counseling can help, if you are ready and willing to do some work.

Improve communication

Poor communication or lack of communication is often at the core of most marital problems, as well as family problems. We all grew up learning ways to communicate, but we didn’t necessarily learn to do it effectively. When things are going well, talking is easy. But the true test of good communication is when there is conflict.

In marriage and family counseling, the therapist can help you find ways to communicate better with each other. This not only includes learning how to better express things such as needs, wants, or concerns, but also how to better listen to each other. Conflict is normal whenever two or more people live in the same household.

Unfortunately a lot of couples and families do not handle conflict well, and even relatively minor problems can quickly escalate. As a result they become seemingly insurmountable issues when communication completely breaks down or becomes hostile. Improving communication is the core of dealing effectively with all other issues.

Learn to choose your battles

Marriage and family counseling can also really help you learn to choose your battles. Life is going to be full of stressful and irritating things. That’s normal. But where many couples and families get into trouble is when they let everything become a huge ordeal. A good therapist can help you determine what the real issues are, while helping your learn to recognize which ones really aren’t a big deal. Learning this will go a long way towards a more peaceful home environment.

Create new patterns of interaction

As humans, we are creatures of habit. As a result we get into patterns of interacting with our spouse and family members which can be unhealthy. At times, they can even be destructive and hurtful. Sometimes we don’t even realize the damage we are doing until someone objective, such as a therapist, points it out.

Marriage and family counseling is geared towards creating new and healthier ways of interacting with each other. As the saying goes, if you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same result. But a skilled therapist can show you better ways to get the desired result in your relationship.

Hopefully you can see how marriage and family counseling might be very beneficial. Every couple and family has occasional struggles. Going to a therapist doesn’t mean you are weak or a failure. Rather, it shows that you recognize the need for change and that you desire some assistance in making that happen.
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Counseling for Marriage

Many couples reach a point in their marriage when they feel they are at an impasse. They may have tried to overcome a serious problem or crisis on their own, and realized over time that perhaps getting counseling for marriage problems they are experiencing is a better approach. And while counseling won’t help every marriage, it does help many couples every day. For some marriages, it has not only helped, it has kept the couple from ending up in divorce court.

So, how do you determine if marriage counseling is something you and your spouse should pursue? You may be thinking that there is no way you want to air your dirty laundry in front of a total stranger, no matter how difficult things are right now. You may also be feeling that counseling for marriage is far too expensive. This article will address these two frequent concerns and provide you with some things to consider if you are trying to decide whether to seek professional help for your situation.

I don’t want to talk to a stranger about our problems.

This is a common objection with which many people struggle when the idea of counseling for marriage is being considered. What you need to realize is that one of the reasons marital therapy can be very helpful is because the therapist, as a stranger, is in a neutral and objective position.

If you have tried to talk to or seek advice from family or friends, you have probably found that they are too close to the situation to be helpful. They may have an emotional bias which makes it difficult to keep perspective regarding your situation. This in turn will color any advice they may try to offer. In some cases, talking to family members or close friends can make the situation even worse.

This is one reason why counseling for marriage can be very helpful. Once you start developing a rapport with the therapist, you will likely appreciate how safe it actually feels to discuss your problems with someone who isn’t going to take sides and who can look at your situation from a fresh perspective.

Counseling is too expensive.

Therapy does cost money. You are paying for a highly trained professional to provide a valuable service. However, you need to consider how much more expensive getting a divorce will be. For the cost of a divorce, not to mention all the pain and grief that often accompany it, counseling for marriage is usually much less expensive – in fact, often by thousands of dollars. When you look at it like this you may reconsider the objection that you can’t afford it. And there may be some options if finances are truly an issue.

In many cities there are clinics which offer counseling services for a reduced fee either based on income qualifications, or because the therapists are graduate students under supervision. Also, you don’t necessarily have to go weekly. You may be able to go every other week, which will make counseling for marriage more affordable for you as you reduce the overall monthly cost by spreading the appointments out a bit.

Both of these objections to counseling for marriage are very common. You are not alone if they have crossed your mind. But if your marriage has reached a crisis point hopefully you will carefully weigh the alternatives if you do not get some help.
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Common Marriage Problems

For many couples, there are common marriage problems which often start to creep into the relationship over time. If you are feeling that your marriage isn’t what it should be, or what you thought it would be when you first walked down the aisle, you are not alone. Millions of couples grapple with relationship issues, often feeling that the problems are unique to their relationship. This can lead to feelings of embarrassment and / or loneliness, when it doesn’t need to.

So let’s take a look at three common marriage problems which many couples find themselves facing. All of these can start out seeming fairly minor, but if they continue over a long time and aren’t dealt with, they can have a very negative impact on a marriage.

Feeling like you have “fallen out of love” with each other

When you were first dating your spouse, and probably even when you stood in front of your family and friends and said your vows, you felt “head over heels in love” with each other. For most couples, that giddy feeling doesn’t last over the years. In fact, for many, once the reality of day to day married life sinks in it starts to fade. Your lives become one of routine, which is perfectly normal. The demands of your work or careers, children and mortgages can take up all of your time and energy. And if you are like some couples, you basically start living like roommates and nothing more. While that scenario is fairly common, marriage problems like this can eventually lead to an affair or a divorce.

Taking each other for granted

Another one of the most common marriage problems is that many couples start taking each other for granted. To some degree, it is human nature to take for granted that which is always there. But in relationships, this can lead to a slow, simmering resentment for one or both of you. Everyone longs to feel loved, cherished, and appreciated. After all, that was a big part of the reason you got married in the first place. No one feels loved when they are taken for granted. When it reaches the point of devaluing each other and failing to regard the relationship as sacred or special, it can be very damaging. Sadly, what often happens is that you don’t even realize just how serious it is until the other person is gone.

Failure to really talk to each other

Poor communication or the failure to really talk to each other is probably one of the most common marriage problems many couples face. Learning to communicate well is a skill many people lack. Others have the skill and may be great communicators in their career, but struggle with communicating with their spouse. This is particularly true if one or both of you grew up in a home where poor communication was the norm. You talk superficially but avoid discussing problems or issues as they arise. Some people just find it easier to avoid any conflict. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work and in time will take a toll on your relationship if something doesn’t change.

If you and your spouse are struggling with any one of these common marriage problems, there is hope. The first step is always acknowledging the problem. The sooner you recognize the problem and take action though, the better! http://tinyurl.com/3sub6y4

Christian Marriage Counseling

If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time, you may find that marriage therapy can be very beneficial. And if you and your spouse have a strong Christian faith, you may prefer to seek out Christian marriage counseling. Working with a counselor who approaches therapy from a theoretical perspective which aligns with your personal faith will prevent some of the clashes which may occur if you attempt to work with a secular therapist with a very different approach.

In order to find someone who specializes in Christian marriage counseling, you may want to consult with your pastor or other people in your church. You may also look in your local yellow pages or do a search online. If you search online, you can search for the terms “Christian marriage counseling”, “Christian marriage therapy” and that can help you get started. If you add the name of your city or county you will narrow down your search to someone in your proximity.

Once you have come up with a few potential therapists, you may want to try to find out a little information about them. For example, what are their credentials? Are they licensed? How long have they been practicing? You also may want to give them a call and see if you can find out a little information over the phone before committing to an appointment.

For example, you may want to ask them how much of their approach is based on Biblical principles. This can vary greatly when it comes to Christian marriage counseling. If you want someone who is going to use the Bible and prayer in the counseling session, you may want to inquire about that. Of course, this will depend on your personal preference.

If you can talk briefly by phone with two or three different therapists, you may get a better initial sense of whether or not this is someone with whom you want to set up an appointment. If the phone conversation doesn’t feel quite right, trust your instincts and move on to the next one.

In order for Christian marriage counseling to be truly beneficial to you and your spouse, it is particularly important that both of you feel comfortable with the counselor. If you meet for a session and one of you doesn’t care for the counselor, you may find the process very challenging if you continue to see this person.

Once you find someone who is a good fit for both of you, determine a schedule that will work for everyone. Having a therapy session early in the morning before work or mid-day is often not a good idea. Counseling can tap into some difficult emotions so it is best to choose a time of day when neither of you has other obligations immediately following the sessions.

As you begin the process of Christian marriage counseling, be sure that the counselor sets clear ground rules with regards to how the sessions will be handled, how long they will last, how emergencies will be handled, what to do if you need to cancel, and confidentiality issues. Also, be sure that you discuss your goals with the therapist so that everyone is on the same page with regards to what they want Christian marriage counseling to accomplish.

After you have done all this, approach the process with an open mind and the willingness to be ready to make some changes. Marriage therapy can be very beneficial, but you must be willing to do the work. In time, you may find that your marriage is back on track and stronger than ever! http://tinyurl.com/3sub6y4

Making Your Bad Marriage Good

I was talking to the team at Save My Marriage Today recently, and we were talking about marriages gone bad. It seemed at one time that the only place that marriages went bust was in Hollywood, but anyone you talk to now either knows someone divorced or someone with marital problems. Hey, it may even be you.

The single biggest reason couples break up is due to "falling out of love" or poor communication. It seems as though many couples reach the 5 or 10 year anniversary and it becomes a time of regret and reflection on opportunities lost. Too many people end their marriages because the love is not the same as it used to be, and they don't know how to love their partners anymore. It's so frustrating!

If "falling out of love" sounds familiar to you, help is at hand:

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Online author Andrew Rusbatch showed me the latest course he has created to help troubled couples, and to be honest, I was very impressed! Andrew is the host of Save My Marriage Today Home Study Course. It's a fantastic course that covers all the essential aspects to a healthy marriage.

Are you or your partner falling out of love?
Marriage falling apart and feeling powerless?
Anger and conflict tearing you two apart?
Is your marriage affected by addiction issues?
Partner cheated on you?
Marriage affected by money problems?
Are you in a marriage that is suffering because your partner has depression?
Is the honeymoon over?

Many couples break up over issues that could have been resolved if they had only taken the time for self-examination. Let's face it, you can't always control what your partner does, and the Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course recognizes this and focuses on your actions and beliefs, and how they are shaping your approach to save your marriage.

Andrew's Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course helps all couples, both young and old, consider their relationship problems and how their misconceptions and attitudes can help shape a recovery or add to their ordeal.

Its quite normal for a marriage to go through cycles, and arguments will happen from time to time. In fact, one thing they talk about in the course is how disagreements are normal. It's nothing to be ashamed about! Its how you deal with those arguments and disagreements that determines the health of your relationship.

The Save My Marriage Today Premium Home Study Course is an instant-download 12-part video and written course, AND includes FOUR additional topic-specific courses where Andrew, Richard and Amy delve into relationship issues for couples dealing with depression, addiction, infidelity, and money problems. That's 8 hours of video and 5 study guides to work your way through!

Plus there are bonus interviews with guest relationship coaches Scot and Emily McKay discussing ways to cope with a partner with mental illness, and Mimi Tanner discussing how to keep your spouse interested in you forever.

In addition to this is a free email consultation so that customers can discuss any additional marriage issues with a member of the team. This really can help ANY couple with almost ANY marriage problem!

I really do believe Andrew and the Save My Marriage Today team are onto a good thing here, and they really want to help. The techniques are fresh, thought provoking, come from a range of perspectives, and have been proven over and over to help save marriages. I was very impressed with this course and have recommended it to everyone I know.

I would encourage you to look for yourself and do something today to kick-start your marriage-saving solution. There is never a better time to save your marriage!

Visit: http://www.savemymarriagetoday.com/premium

And take control of your future. I’m sure you will be as impressed as I was.